identity

there will be no photos in this post. how boring, i know. so if you came here just to see some cute littles' photos, go ahead and 'x' out of your browser now.

for the rest of you...

today, i found myself for the first time ever in my life just saying, "my identity is in you, lord. not in my abilities as a soccer player. not in my gifts as a photographer. not in my mothering or my wifer-ing. :) not in my desire to be peacemaker. my identity is in you. as long as i stay connected to you, i feel so confident that i am making right choices and saying right things that it leaves no room for doubt."

by nature, i care what everyone around me thinks of my actions, my words, my thoughts...its exhausting trying to read people, reading me. but several times this week, when i caught myself wondering if the other person was mad at me or if i should have said something different or made myself a little more reserved even though i'm not reserved at all...god just whispered, "you and me, we're connected. you did, and said and thought the things that were in line with me and my will. don't second guess yourself because what you did, and said and thought weren't easy things to do and say and think."

i've felt so confident this week. there were at least three different occasions where i started worrying if i had done something wrong, should i try and rectify it, stroke someone's ego so they wouldn't be mad at me, sacrifice something that i shouldn't sacrifice to make someone else happy. and three times this week when i began my exhausting process of worrying, i stopped, felt god's reassuring voice in my mind and moved right along. it was so liberating. i can't even tell you. this is the connection i've been longing for, for most of my life. knowing that it was there and never quite reaching it. but this week it has overwhelmed me. knowing how close our god is. the god that people say doesn't exist. the god that people say is far away and wrathful. the god that created the universe but still longs to spend every waking moment helping me find my identity in him.

i had to write this feeling down because i know that satan hates it. hates that i realized it this week. hates that it has pulled me closer to my father. hates that its only strengthened my trust and faith in him and diminished this world's power over me.

finding your identity isn't an easy thing. knowing who your identity rests in, is very simple.