Hope House T-shirt Fundraiser

So, many of you have asked about how to get your hands on a Hope House t-shirt.  Well, here's your chance!  In one week we will be putting in our first order of Hope House t-shirts.  If you want one, here's what you need to do.

1) Send an email to amanda@hopehouseintl.org
2) Subject line: Hope House Shirt
3) In the body of the e-mail, put:
        Your name
        Your address
        Which t-shirt you want
        What size you want (they are unisex)
4) Make a payment via Paypal
    Make a payment by check - make checks payable to The Manna Foundation
    The Manna Foundation
    PO Box99472
    Louisville, KY 40269
    (Write Hope House Shirt in memo line)

Once your payment is received, your t-shirt will be mailed out the week of May 15th!

**We are raising these funds specifically to purchase a ministry truck for Hope House**

Thanks so much for your help!!!
Mike and Goody

Brave, brave, Mamas

Over the course of the last year, I have held seven orphaned babies in my arms.  I have changed their diapers, fed them bottles and held them while they slept.  The first baby I ever cared for was named Regina.  She had the most beautiful eyes with the longest eyelashes I have ever seen on a child.  She was smiley and cuddly with a calm demeanor.  When I picked her up she wrapped her hands around my arm and nestled into my chest.  She was so confused in this place with unfamiliar faces where her Mama was no where to be found.  She closed her eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.  I just held her in that hospital chair and fought with all my strength not to lose it in front of the staff.  I was so angry at her mom.  How on EARTH could you leave your child in a hospital?  What kind of heartless human being would you have to be to abandon a helpless baby?  I cried the entire way home.

Over the course of a few months, I spent hours every week just holding sleeping babies.  They craved touch so badly.  Almost instantaneously, each one would fall asleep shortly after I picked them up.  The hospital staff thought I had some crazy gift - I knew it was just their deep need to feel love again.  During those hours I had absolutely nothing to do except think, pray and try to make sense of this beautiful tragedy in my arms.  What started out as a very condemning heart toward these birth moms, changed over time to one of love and compassion for them.

A few weeks ago, we had kind of had a dramatic morning involving my daughter.  She picked a hot pepper from our garden and touched her face with the oils that were on her hands.  She immediately had an intense reaction and a lot of pain.  After a lot of screaming, terrified looks and a container of yogurt rubbed on her face, she finally calmed and fell peacefully asleep on the couch in our living room.  As angry (and frightened) as I was a few minutes earlier because she had disobeyed and touched the pepper I told her not to touch - I was quickly filled with complete love and adoration of her as she lay there sleeping.  She was mine and I loved her with this intense feeling that is absolutely unexplainable in human terms.  I was suddenly reminded of the babies in the hospital and the birth Moms who left them there.

I could never imagine being so desperate that I would abandon my child in a hospital.  I could never imagine a situation so destitute that I would think my babies could be cared for better by someone else but me.  I could never imagine that my child would be better off without me.  But for hundreds of thousands of Mamas around this world - that is their reality.

So often, people that hear what we are trying to do (Dominicans, Haitians and Americans alike) respond by saying something along the lines of "How selfish is that Mom?"  "How horrible!"  "I can't even imagine!"  But let me tell you something; abandoning your child in a hospital is one of the least selfish things a mother could do.

Have you ever lived in such poverty that you eat pies made out of dirt?  Have you ever watched one of your children die from starvation?  Have you even been tricked into a life of prostitution that is dangerous, not only for you, but for your children too?  Have you ever been addicted to cocaine because that's how your pimp keeps you under his control?  Have you ever been sexually abused as a child to the point that, as an adult, you think you are worthless and can't climb out of a hole of depression?  Chances are, most people reading this have never and will never experience any of these circumstances.  But for a huge percentage of women here in the Dominican and in many countries around the world - that is their reality.

Do I think one day these women up and decided in order to live the life they want they need to kick their kids to the curb?  Not in a million years.  Do I think that some of them have fought and tried and prayed for a way to get out of the life they are living, but can't?  Absolutely.  Do I think that in one of the most unselfish moments of their lives they decide their children deserve better, even if that means giving them away?  Oh my goodness, yes.

In a perfect world we wouldn't need to care for other mothers' children.  But we know this is not a perfect world.  And whether you know it or not, Mamas, we see you.  We love you.  We wish we could have found a way to support and love you and help you take care of your own children but we promise we won't let them be alone.  We will take care of your children.  We won't let you down.  We won't let the toughest choice you have ever had to make, be made in vain.

Brave, brave, Mamas.

Baby Luis

 

I've avoided writing this post for a week and a half.  Partly because I was really hoping the circumstances would suddenly change.  And partly because I'm still just kind of in disbelief.

I showed up a week ago Sunday afternoon to the hospital to care for this sweet little bundle.  Life events with our family kept me from visiting him on Friday like I had planned, Saturday was Emi's birthday so the earliest I could go was that Sunday. 

I walked into his room so ready to squeeze his little body and give him kisses - only to find his crib empty.  To say I was shocked is a vast understatement.  At first I looked at his little cabinet to see if his stuff was still there and maybe the nurses had taken him to run tests or to bathe him.  But everything was gone.  Some of the other moms saw my discombobulated demeanor and began to tell me the story.

Conani had found his birth mother after three weeks of searching for her.  The other mothers said she walked in the room, visibly pregnant with yet another baby, like a toddler throwing a fit because they had to do something they didn't want to do.  She started bagging up his belongings (which weren't even his, they were all donated items) and complaining that Conani "made" her come get him because she has a responsibility to uphold.  She slung him over her shoulder, grabbed the plastic bag and marched out of the room.  Not a word to anyone.  The moms said she didn't even say a single "thank you" to any of them who have helped care for him over the past month after she abandoned him there.

As you could imagine, I was angry.  I was sad.  I was disappointed.  I walked out to my van and cried.  That sweet baby boy, so many confusing things have happened to him in his 10 weeks of life.  And now, I couldn't even ensure his safety from here on out.  I yelled at God.  I mean, goodness, how could THIS be in your plans?

My anger has subsided but I think of him every morning.  There's an empty corner in our room where we prepared a place for his crib to go.  And it dawns on me heavily that this is the life we have committed to.  The beautiful stories of redemption that are yet to come -- but also the stories and heartaches that make absolutely no sense to my human heart.

Last night, I read in Jesus Calling:

"During times of severe testing, even the best theology can fail you if it isn't accompanied by experiential knowledge of Me (God)."

I am grateful that God has taken us on this journey that has often been lonely, trying, heart-breaking, and difficult.  It has solidified our beliefs in a just God but more than that He has allowed these tough situations to give us first-hand knowledge of his faithfulness.

Luis and Gilverson and Regina and Sara -- they may be our first encounters of an unjust world but they most certainly won't be the last.  We have seen the mighty works of our Father.  We know His heart for children.  Therefore we trust in His faithfulness even when we don't understand the outcome.

Thanksgiving

My posts have been heavy lately.  I know.  Some riddled with politics.  Others with opinions.  Others with things God is teaching me.  Deep things.  Although it has not been hard for me to find the joy in life or be grateful, there have just been other pressing matters, things I have felt prompted to say, in the hope's of encouraging, edifying, sharpening, challenging or reminding whoever may read this blog or follow me on social media.

God is taking me to this new place.  I believe there is a reason for this season.  I believe he is preparing me for something.  I believe I am preparing for battle.  But today is Thanksgiving.  And even wars stop for a time when reflection and gratitude is needed.


Today, I am thankful for...

{My Jesus}

I know, cliché right?  Most of you don't know my story, my testimony.  And right now isn't really the place that I will share all of that.  But when the Bible says things like, "...rescued from the muck and mire," it was talking specifically about me.  He rescued me.  I don't really know how it happened.  Or why He pursued me like He did but my entire life changed because of Him.  I am who I am because of his radical love for me.  I do what I do because of His example written in the pages of the New Testament in The Bible.  I am compassionate toward this world because he was compassionate toward me.  He changed me.  He's still changing me.  And if you don't know Him, I would highly recommend you start your investigation.

{My husband}

If there ever were an Earthly example of unconditional love it is wrapped up in the bodily form of Michael Anthony.  I believe with everything in me that God created Him specifically for me.  When he gave Mike the parents he did, He was thinking of me.  When he formed him in his mother's womb, he was thinking of me.    When He was preparing Him to be the man he would become, He was preparing him to be my partner in this life.  There is no one who puts up with my crazy like him.  There is no one who points me to Jesus like him.  There is no better father in this world than him.  He has loved me in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in times of plenty and of want and I hope that our 12 years together is only the appetizer to another 70.  (Yes, I plan on us living to be over a hundred and Jesus will return before either of us die.)  I love you, Michael-y.

{My first-born}

Landon Joseph introduced me to the one thing in life I aspired to experience: motherhood.  When they handed him to me, it was as if I had never experienced deep love before that moment.  There is no way to describe the things that happen inside a mother when she lay her eyes on her child for the first time.  He has grown to be a sweet, compassionate, tender-hearted young man.  He is constantly concerned for other people's well-being.  He prays for the hurting, the sick, the lonely...all.  the.  time.  He prays for Hope House every night and thanks God he gets to help little kids have a home one day.  He calls them his "brothers and sisters."  God has given this boy a special purpose.  And I am blessed to take a front row seat to his extraordinary life.

{My middle}

Nohemi Ruth is our healing baby.  She came into this world at a time when our family was drowning in grief from losing Mike's father, Joe.  From her very first moment in this world she has had the ability to light up a room.  Her smile is infectious.  Her laugh is contagious.  She is a fighter, and stubborn and hard-headed which is difficult to parent at times, but I know without a doubt, that those same qualities God will use to change the world.  She doesn't give up.  She never settles.  She will argue the color of the sky just to see if she can change your mind.  And amidst all of that, which can be exhausting at times, she has this ability to curl up in your lap, nestle herself in and completely change whatever the mood you are currently feeling.  She has my heart and I can't wait to see the ways God will use that spunky little thing.

{My baby}

Levi Frank may be little but he holds a very big role in this family.  He is absolutely hilarious and lives to make people laugh.  He is the definition of the word mischievous and in the middle of eating dog food, or coloring on the floor, or standing on our office desk, he will turn around, bat his eyelashes, smile and say "Te Amo" (I love you).  He reminds me how quickly this life flies by, how quickly they change, how quickly they grow up.  He has these enchanting blue eyes (that i prayed for for 9 months, by the way) that can say everything you need to hear with just a glance.  He adores his brother and sister and wants to be big just like them.  He loves big...will give you a huge hug and then slap you across the face just to make someone else laugh :)  Oh, his teenage years will be fun.

{My parents}

You may think you have the best parents in the world but you would be wrong.  Frank and Rita are the best there ever was, ever is or ever will be.  They supported me, encouraged me, challenged me, prayed for me and loved me despite all the hell I put them through.  Even when things were difficult, between bills and kids and marriage and jobs, they never, ever stopped making us girls a priority.  And they never, ever stopped pointing us to Jesus.  Their marriage is an example of how, although not perfect, is a beautiful reflection of Christ and the Church.  There are no two people in this world I miss more on this day than them.  Sitting around their table, watching football, holding my Daddy's hand...if you get to be with your parents today, hug them.  There is nothing I would want to do more than hug Frank and Rita right this moment.

{My sisters}

There is no one I took for granted in my life more than my sisters.  It is just one of my biggest regrets.  When I look back and think I could of had four best friends when I was growing up during all the tumultuous middle and high school years, it makes me so incredibly sad.  We were all SOOOO different.  And we lived in very tight quarters.  And we had hormones.  So we fought A LOT.  But I am so thankful that Jesus brings redemption and second chances because I love those four girls more than the air I breathe.  I am happiest when we are all together - our crazy kids running around us.  They are the most beautiful women I have ever known.  The strongest, kindest, most loving women and I am blessed to call them my own.

{My Family}

There's a WHOLE LOT of people missing from this photo but we are all hardly ever together at the same time.  But let me just tell you, the Jensen/Goodwin clan are an incredible bunch.  We have endured some very difficult times over the years and a lot of really amazing ones but this group of people, this family, there is no way to say Thank You sufficiently for how you guys love me and one another.  We all have different careers, different beliefs, different genes - but when we are together - my heart is completely full.

{My friends} 

The only problem I have - that's not really a problem - is that I have too many friends to name in one post.  I.  Am.  Blessed.  From childhood to college to adulthood, God has brought the most amazing people into my life to pour into me during different seasons.  You know who you are.  You know how you have shaped me into the person I am today.  I can only hope I have blessed you the way you have blessed me.

{My In-laws}

You all have made me feel like I grew up in the Basham/Braisted clan.  From the first visit to Grandma and Grandpa B's house, you accepted me as one of your own.  I know so many people can't even stand to be in a room with their spouse's family and I can't relate even one bit.  Debbie, you are like a second mom.  I can't even tell you how much I love you.  Josh and Tim, you are the brothers I have always longed for.  Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins - Man, you guys are seriously the awesomest!

{My/Our Supporters}

Mike and I have been missionaries for 9 1/2 years.  We are lucky if we get to see our supporters once a year.  And we even have supporters we have never met!  You guys have been the driving force behind this journey God has us on.  We LITERALLY could not being doing this without you.  Financially, spiritually, emotionally - we have survived and thrived because of your love and wise counsel.  The future is about to get completely awesome, buckle up, we are all in for a wild ride and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.  Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

Pruning

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful." -John 15:1-2 

A couple of weeks ago I needed some time to myself.  Our baby was being overly clingy, the older two were driving me up a wall and I felt like I was on the fast-track to Crazy Town.  Mike took care of things around the house and I went outside; work gloves on, clippers in my hand and the determination to accomplish something...anything.

I stared at our nine lime bushes and realized they were looking pretty pathetic.  Limbs were hanging on the ground, weedy vines had taken home in their branches.  I knew what needed to be done.

I started on the first bush and it went fairly smooth.  Nothing crazy to do, just some general maintenance and the loss of just a few, small limes.  I was feeling good.  Accomplished.  I stepped back, admired my work and moved on to the next bush.

Each lime bush following the first became a little more difficult.  They were larger bushes and had more overgrowth but they also had quite a few limes growing on the low-lying branches.  I don't like to waste anything, especially not precious limes that make the most amazing limeade known to mankind.  Very quickly I realized I was going to have to make some significant cuts to this bush.  Ones that were likely to remove some incredible limes not quite ready for harvest.  They still had potential and I had to think long and hard about what I was going to do.

I almost grimaced the first time I had to prune a branch that had a bundle of those beautiful, green fruits.  I thought to myself, "How silly I am being, they are only limes."  After finishing the first round of pruning on our biggest lime bush I stood back and looked at the slaughter.  All around me were perfectly good limes laying on the ground, never to be used to make limeade or anything else for that matter.  It seems a little dramatic but I must have just been in one of those moods.  I was really distraught over the loss of these limes.

As I stood for awhile, staring at the other six bushes I had left to prune, I wondered if I had it in me.  "They are fine," I said, "they are producing limes, I should just leave them alone."  No sooner than I completed the conversation in my head, I got a little nudging from the Holy Spirit.  I knew a lesson was on its way.

When most people think of pruning they think of it as cutting off what is dead so something new can grow.  It's a beautiful metaphor for life, isn't it?  Sacrifice for the greater good.  Prune the hurt, the pain, the past, the sin and the anger out of your life so that peace, hope, love and patience can grow in their place.  But what if pruning has more to do with something you deem good in your life?  Has God ever asked you to give up something that produces fruit?  Has He ever asked you to prune something out of your life that you love, that isn't destructive or sinful?

John 15:2 says, "...every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."  Did you catch that?  He's not cutting off a branch that is already dead, He is pruning a branch that is bearing fruit.  Kind of a game-changer.

I've always been ok with cutting off dead branches in my life.  It hurts and it's hard but I know that it is worth the discomfort in the end.  But pruning a good branch?  That just seems counter-productive, doesn't it?  But any gardener or farmer will tell you different.  And our Gardener will tell you that too.

So what does a fruit-bearing branch that needs to be cut, look like?  Maybe you are super involved in a lot of outreach at your church.  But you are so involved and can never say no, that you aren't focusing the right time and energy into what God has designed you specifically for.  You are bearing fruit but not the kind of fruit God knows you are capable of.

Maybe you are a stellar athlete.  On top of your game, better than the rest.  But your sport or sports keeps you from plugging into your church and your church body.  All of your games or competitions are during services or youth group or volunteer hours.  Or you are too exhausted from all of your competitions that you can't pull yourself out of the house during your few, free hours.  But God gave you that talent, why would He ask you to prune it out?  You can use your gifts as an athlete to impact others, right?  But maybe you can use your gifts in a way that will bear more fruit.

Maybe you are in ministry now but you have crazy gifts and talents in the business world.  Maybe God is asking you to leave ministry (gasp!) and join the business world so that you can impact others for Christ and use your financial resources to spur on others in ministry.

Or in my case, photography.  When we started this whole process to open up an orphanage, I was perfectly content being a photographer/missionary...or so I thought.  Over these few months as I dug deep and really contemplated why God asked us to give up working with a ministry we loved to start something new I realized that I was just using the wrong gift for His glory.  Sure, my talents as a photographer were bearing fruit; it was drawing attention to the needs here in the Dominican Republic.  But God designed me to be more than just a photographer. 

He gave me a sensitive heart and an intense burden for orphaned children.  He made me a hugger and a nurturer; specifically to bring comfort to those that are hurting.  He made me a dreamer and a planner and an innovator.  He designed me to be stubborn and hard-headed and relentless when I am fighting for something I truly believe in.

It is not easy pruning the branches in your life because, in reality, it may mean giving up something you are really good at or that bring you accolades.  But you know what happened three weeks after I wearily pruned my beloved lime bushes?  The limes that are on the trees now are bigger and produce almost twice as much juice as the ones before.  And if a clumsy gardener like myself can prune my way to a better bounty, imagine what our all-knowing Gardener can do in you, if you let Him.

Transition

"Sometimes you have to believe God beyond what you can presently see." -Pete Wilson

I watch the plantain trees sway, the breeze a slow dance, the rain a welcome friend.  The sound of my two oldest in the distance, their squeals of delight as they forage through the darkened dirt for treasures and tiny critters.  Raindrops surely on their backs like tiny vessels of relief from the humidity.  My littlest tucked in his crib, breathing to the beat of the rain on the roof…unaware and unscathed by the changes in the weather.

Rain makes me feel nostalgic.  It makes me want to hurl a warm blanket about me, curl up with a warm cup of tea.  The happiest memories I have of childhood all revolve around rain; my mom and sisters and I watching movies while drinking hot chocolate.  A flood at our local park, a water fight in a field.  Games with slow-moving soccer balls and skids of mud on uniforms.  Rain also makes me reflect.  Makes me think.  Makes me stop and go deep.  Thus, my fingers clicking away.

Our lives have been in transition; a new baby, a new move, a new ministry.  I’ve hardly had the chance to pull my stuff out of boxes let alone be pensive on the inner workings of my heart.  But today, with the rain, I can’t help but succumb.

Change is inevitable and Transition is part of life.  I’m almost thirty-three, I know these things.  But I have never met Transition the way we have welcomed her these past few months.  She has been kind to me -- in some regards -- has even invigorated me, inspired me to do something beyond my own abilities.  But she is also cruel.  She brings doubt and dark nights and lonely thoughts in a place so unfamiliar.  She pushes me past my zones of comfort and resists me when I ask for some of it back.  She makes me second-guess my decisions, my mothering, my capabilities.  She mocks me and reminds me that this thing, this new Calling, is too big for me.  Too big for us.

The one thing Transition doesn’t know is that in my almost thirty-three years I have fallen in love with a God who is bigger than her unwelcome presence in my life.  He is bigger than my doubts and my fears and my failures.  He is bigger than my inadequacies which Transition is enthusiastic to draw attention to.  Because on the other side of Transition, there will be children who have not known a hug, or a hold or a cuddle, who will only know those things.  When Transition is done and gone, there will be full bellies, and clean clothes and comfy beds.  When Transition is a distant memory, there will be smiling faces, and holding hands, and belonging.  BELONGING.  There will be children who have never felt like they belonged anywhere that will belong to someone.  And the crazy thing I keep telling Transition that quiets her resounding voice -- God has chosen us for them to belong to and I am too excited thinking about that than to listen to her nagging.

There is one thing I have learned about dear old Transition that brings me comfort during her short stay and it’s just that; her stay is short.  She is a traveling visitor, a momentary passenger.  She comes on you fast and she leaves just the same.  And when she’s gone, Life resumes.  Not in the same way it did before her visit but in a way that makes her stay so very worth it.  And I can't wait for Transition to hit the road so Life can settle in and I get to waste the day away rocking children who need to be rocked.

Deb and Tim Visit the Dominican

i think it was the fastest week in the history of time. i prayed and prayed for God to slow it down but to no avail. but besides the fact that it went fast - it was a great, great visit. super relaxing. we had no agenda. we literally woke up and asked, "so what do we want to do today?" and sometimes the answer was, "nothing." and man did that feel good.

now, in order to thoroughly document their trip in the blog world, it is going to require a couple installments. i didn't even start taking pictures until friday of their trip (they came tuesday) and somehow still ended up with like 300 photos. so this is the first installment.

friday.

we have these good, no, great friends that live in the mountains. dave and cherry are seriously an incredible couple. and they are incredibly generous with what they have. our purpose for visiting them was 1) to see them, cause we rarely ever do, 2) go swimming, eat until our tummies hurt and relax, and 3) baptize me. (photos of the baptism will be in a separate installment)

imagine, if you will, a place that takes you away. reminds you of god's incredible artistic abilities. helps you forget all your worries and focus on the important things in life. heaven on earth. that is the Schwulst Compound.

where fruit straight from the garden of eden dangle from every tree. where kids get bronzed by the sun in the pool. where the smell of food and the sound of laughter ring through the mountain landscapes.

i loved every second of it. just being with our family and friends in a place like that. we are totally going back sometime in the near future for a family vacation. we're not really beach-and-hotel, kind of people. but we are natural-river-fed-pool-and-brats-on-the-grill, kind of people.

landon was a fish. at first he was a little unsure if he wanted anything to do with the pool, but once he took that first plunge, we couldn't get him out. and there's just something that illuminates children's skin, contrasted with a mossy waterfall.

uncle timmy (or uncle bimmy, as landon calls him) was landon's hero. there is something about people coming to the dominican that solidifies their relationship with landon. don't get me wrong, he loves his family back in the states. but if you want him to love you more, you have to come into his territory.

and there's something really cool about airplane floaties.

(this one is especially cool because Gaga, mike's dad who passed away a year ago, gave this to landon when he was a year old)

mike is a different person when all his family is around. he thrives on family. he loves when family is here; in the dominican with us. i think he had this amazing smile on his face the whole week. i heart him.

i realized that i went this whole post without a single picture of me in it. which i actually kinda like. i loved just capturing life that day. watching them breathe it all in. loving each other. feeling stresses disappear. and honestly, i don't know how it all works, the whole angels in heaven thing. but if joe was able to, i know he was hanging out that day, watching his family enjoy life together.

and family can make any normal friday, pretty special.