Mother's Day: I want it to be all about them

I stood washing dishes today and daydreamed about tomorrow - Mother's Day.  I fully intended on partaking in a day just for myself; avoiding the kitchen like the plague, leaving dirty dishes for Mike to wash, locking myself in my room and binge-watching Netflix.  I smiled briefly thinking about this glorious day all about me.

I was suddenly surprised when I felt a strange feeling.  It wasn't guilt or disgust but something rather gentle and loving.  I stopped washing the plate I was holding and stared at the wall in front of me - a little unsure of why my daydreams of alone time and sleeping in were suddenly interrupted by thoughts of waking early to make breakfast for my family and maybe spending the afternoon at a playground.

There is only One who can lovingly redirect a self-indulging plan into one that desires to have a day for me, be nothing about me...I knew this was the work of my Father.  So I listened intently as he spoke directly to my heart.

Many videos are going viral on Facebook right now in preparation for tomorrow.  Mom's all over the United States are claiming their day.  I've clicked on a few of these videos and laughed thinking of how right they are.  Yes, it would be totally awesome to sleep in, like, really sleep in without children banging on my door.  Yes, I would like to spend the day at the spa and remember for a few hours that I am more than just a wife and a mother.  Yes, I would love to lay around all day and watch reruns of Gilmore Girls while eating Reece's Peanut Butter cups, only emerging from my cave to indulge in the food that was prepared for me.  But as I stood there with a plate in my hand and the water running, I remembered just how much I treasure being a mom, and the little ones who made me one.

It is true that in many families, 364 days out of the year are all about the children, while one day a year its supposedly all about us.  But if we really take a look at that, we realize one very important thing; if our children think that our lives are all about them, that is not their fault, it's ours.  If there is anything that the life of Jesus teaches us it's that he never tired of serving others.  Even when he was exhausted and emotionally drained, he found something deep inside of him that allowed him to continue serving.  He didn't do it because it was what he was supposed to do or obligated to do - he did it because he knew serving others, served a bigger purpose.  Exhausted,  emotionally drained but still serving a bigger purpose?  Sound familiar?

My husband and I try very hard to teach our kids that this life is not about us.  It's not about our comfort or our agenda or our wants.  It is completely contrary to what this world tries to teach our kids - do what feels right to you, pursue your desires, get yours.  Sometimes we have glimmering moments where our kids "get it" and we feel like Super Parents but a majority of the time we fail miserably.  Which is why, as I was planning my day all about me I felt so very convicted; if on Mother's Day, a day supposedly celebrating a "job" deemed one of the most selfless any woman can have, I choose to make it all about me instead of all about the three absolutely beautiful creatures that gave me this job, what message am I sending them?  "Thanks for bringing me so much joy, making my life-long dream of becoming a mother come true - now, I don't want to see you for the entire day."  Yeah, sounds like a great plan.

I have learned more, grown more, and changed more since becoming a mother than any other stage in my life.  It has taught me unconditional love.  It has taught me how to dig deep in tough situations.  It has taught me how to find joy in the little things and not sweat the rest.  But above all, it has driven me closer to my Savior.  There is no occupation in this entire world that can bring the highest of highs or the lowest of lows, than parenthood.  And there is no one in this entire world that can bring us to our knees in prayer like our children.

I'm not saying that I hope a spa day or a binge-watching-Netflix-day aren't in my future, but this year, on Mother's Day I want my kids to know that on a day that is supposedly all about me, I want it to be all about them.

Landon Joseph, Nohemi Ruth and Levi Frank - I treasure you.  Thank you for being a huge part of making me the woman I am today.

Thanksgiving

My posts have been heavy lately.  I know.  Some riddled with politics.  Others with opinions.  Others with things God is teaching me.  Deep things.  Although it has not been hard for me to find the joy in life or be grateful, there have just been other pressing matters, things I have felt prompted to say, in the hope's of encouraging, edifying, sharpening, challenging or reminding whoever may read this blog or follow me on social media.

God is taking me to this new place.  I believe there is a reason for this season.  I believe he is preparing me for something.  I believe I am preparing for battle.  But today is Thanksgiving.  And even wars stop for a time when reflection and gratitude is needed.


Today, I am thankful for...

{My Jesus}

I know, cliché right?  Most of you don't know my story, my testimony.  And right now isn't really the place that I will share all of that.  But when the Bible says things like, "...rescued from the muck and mire," it was talking specifically about me.  He rescued me.  I don't really know how it happened.  Or why He pursued me like He did but my entire life changed because of Him.  I am who I am because of his radical love for me.  I do what I do because of His example written in the pages of the New Testament in The Bible.  I am compassionate toward this world because he was compassionate toward me.  He changed me.  He's still changing me.  And if you don't know Him, I would highly recommend you start your investigation.

{My husband}

If there ever were an Earthly example of unconditional love it is wrapped up in the bodily form of Michael Anthony.  I believe with everything in me that God created Him specifically for me.  When he gave Mike the parents he did, He was thinking of me.  When he formed him in his mother's womb, he was thinking of me.    When He was preparing Him to be the man he would become, He was preparing him to be my partner in this life.  There is no one who puts up with my crazy like him.  There is no one who points me to Jesus like him.  There is no better father in this world than him.  He has loved me in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, in times of plenty and of want and I hope that our 12 years together is only the appetizer to another 70.  (Yes, I plan on us living to be over a hundred and Jesus will return before either of us die.)  I love you, Michael-y.

{My first-born}

Landon Joseph introduced me to the one thing in life I aspired to experience: motherhood.  When they handed him to me, it was as if I had never experienced deep love before that moment.  There is no way to describe the things that happen inside a mother when she lay her eyes on her child for the first time.  He has grown to be a sweet, compassionate, tender-hearted young man.  He is constantly concerned for other people's well-being.  He prays for the hurting, the sick, the lonely...all.  the.  time.  He prays for Hope House every night and thanks God he gets to help little kids have a home one day.  He calls them his "brothers and sisters."  God has given this boy a special purpose.  And I am blessed to take a front row seat to his extraordinary life.

{My middle}

Nohemi Ruth is our healing baby.  She came into this world at a time when our family was drowning in grief from losing Mike's father, Joe.  From her very first moment in this world she has had the ability to light up a room.  Her smile is infectious.  Her laugh is contagious.  She is a fighter, and stubborn and hard-headed which is difficult to parent at times, but I know without a doubt, that those same qualities God will use to change the world.  She doesn't give up.  She never settles.  She will argue the color of the sky just to see if she can change your mind.  And amidst all of that, which can be exhausting at times, she has this ability to curl up in your lap, nestle herself in and completely change whatever the mood you are currently feeling.  She has my heart and I can't wait to see the ways God will use that spunky little thing.

{My baby}

Levi Frank may be little but he holds a very big role in this family.  He is absolutely hilarious and lives to make people laugh.  He is the definition of the word mischievous and in the middle of eating dog food, or coloring on the floor, or standing on our office desk, he will turn around, bat his eyelashes, smile and say "Te Amo" (I love you).  He reminds me how quickly this life flies by, how quickly they change, how quickly they grow up.  He has these enchanting blue eyes (that i prayed for for 9 months, by the way) that can say everything you need to hear with just a glance.  He adores his brother and sister and wants to be big just like them.  He loves big...will give you a huge hug and then slap you across the face just to make someone else laugh :)  Oh, his teenage years will be fun.

{My parents}

You may think you have the best parents in the world but you would be wrong.  Frank and Rita are the best there ever was, ever is or ever will be.  They supported me, encouraged me, challenged me, prayed for me and loved me despite all the hell I put them through.  Even when things were difficult, between bills and kids and marriage and jobs, they never, ever stopped making us girls a priority.  And they never, ever stopped pointing us to Jesus.  Their marriage is an example of how, although not perfect, is a beautiful reflection of Christ and the Church.  There are no two people in this world I miss more on this day than them.  Sitting around their table, watching football, holding my Daddy's hand...if you get to be with your parents today, hug them.  There is nothing I would want to do more than hug Frank and Rita right this moment.

{My sisters}

There is no one I took for granted in my life more than my sisters.  It is just one of my biggest regrets.  When I look back and think I could of had four best friends when I was growing up during all the tumultuous middle and high school years, it makes me so incredibly sad.  We were all SOOOO different.  And we lived in very tight quarters.  And we had hormones.  So we fought A LOT.  But I am so thankful that Jesus brings redemption and second chances because I love those four girls more than the air I breathe.  I am happiest when we are all together - our crazy kids running around us.  They are the most beautiful women I have ever known.  The strongest, kindest, most loving women and I am blessed to call them my own.

{My Family}

There's a WHOLE LOT of people missing from this photo but we are all hardly ever together at the same time.  But let me just tell you, the Jensen/Goodwin clan are an incredible bunch.  We have endured some very difficult times over the years and a lot of really amazing ones but this group of people, this family, there is no way to say Thank You sufficiently for how you guys love me and one another.  We all have different careers, different beliefs, different genes - but when we are together - my heart is completely full.

{My friends} 

The only problem I have - that's not really a problem - is that I have too many friends to name in one post.  I.  Am.  Blessed.  From childhood to college to adulthood, God has brought the most amazing people into my life to pour into me during different seasons.  You know who you are.  You know how you have shaped me into the person I am today.  I can only hope I have blessed you the way you have blessed me.

{My In-laws}

You all have made me feel like I grew up in the Basham/Braisted clan.  From the first visit to Grandma and Grandpa B's house, you accepted me as one of your own.  I know so many people can't even stand to be in a room with their spouse's family and I can't relate even one bit.  Debbie, you are like a second mom.  I can't even tell you how much I love you.  Josh and Tim, you are the brothers I have always longed for.  Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins - Man, you guys are seriously the awesomest!

{My/Our Supporters}

Mike and I have been missionaries for 9 1/2 years.  We are lucky if we get to see our supporters once a year.  And we even have supporters we have never met!  You guys have been the driving force behind this journey God has us on.  We LITERALLY could not being doing this without you.  Financially, spiritually, emotionally - we have survived and thrived because of your love and wise counsel.  The future is about to get completely awesome, buckle up, we are all in for a wild ride and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.  Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.