He's three....

i'm going to try and pretend that three years haven't passed by so quickly. that i soaked up every memory, every ounce of our son's life and stored it, only to pull the mental album out on a rainy day. that i was the most loving, most god-fearing, most perfect mother to our little boy. but none of that is true. sure, i remember when he got his first teeth and when he began walking and the first time we cut his hair. i definitely had some awful parenting moments and, unfortunately, being the first born i didn't have previous experience to keep me from making mistakes.

but...

we have laughed, a lot. we have danced, a lot. we have marveled, a lot.

i look at little landon, although not-so-little these days, and think, "mike and i made him. he is made from our very cells." sometimes its so much that i am just overwhelmed by the amazingness of it all.

landon, you have grown into an amazing little man. you are so incredibly caring and sensitive. you test all your boundaries. sometimes to your demise. but i love that about you. you don't just stop, you do what you think you can do. i know it has caused some strife between you and i because i am trying to teach you discipline and obedience. but i have to sit back sometimes and applaud you for your persistence and independence.

you adore your sister and care for her so gently. its like you knew, before you really even knew what babies were, that you had to be careful with her. that you cared for her. that she was yours. the bond you have with her is so beautiful to be a part of, i can only pray that as you get older you feel the same way as you do now. loving your differences and appreciating your uniqueness.

you know you need alone time. i remember the first time that i was working in the living room and all of a sudden realized you weren't around. as i searched the house looking for a mess or something broken, i found you; playing in your room with a circle of toys scattered around you.

there are times when you throw tantrums and scream at me and have a temper beyond what a three-year-old should be capable of, and in the moment i get so frustrated. but as i think of it now, it just reminds me of your passion. your determination. your desire to do things your own way.

god has designed you so intricately. through being your mama you have taught me to be patient and consistent and intentional. and through watching your little mind process things and some of the phrases that come out of your mouth, i know that our creator has a sense of humor.

over the past three years, i have loved you more than i ever knew was possible to love someone. you have solidified my faith in god, my faith in family, my faith in motherhood. you were created to be my baby, my first born. god designed us: you for me and me for you. i love you, bubba. i'm so happy you were born.