weather forecast

i've been feelin' it, ya know; the clouds, the darkness, the rain. not weather-speaking, metaphorically-speaking. just feeling the dreariness settle in. it's part of life, i've come to realize, just knowing that days, weeks, months will be amazing and full of joy and then POW, dark.

i've missed blogging. it's my outlet. it's my relief. i took a bit of a hiatus just feeling like i couldn't add one more thing to my tasks of life not realizing how much it releases such sweet aromas of my daily blessings. i'm glad to be back. and although it isn't the most pleasant or enjoyable first post back; its something.

lately, i've been feeling inadequate. specifically in the area of motherhood. like i'm not doing enough and should be doing more. i've been impatient and sometimes unkind and quick to anger. not a biblical example of a mother, anyway. i know you should never compare, to each his own, but i struggle with it a lot. reading other friends' blogs, other mom's blogs and just thinking, "man, am i really screwing my kids up? i should totally be doing more and being more for them." and the more i sit and ponder and compare i truly feel like just giving up sometimes. like its an uphill battle. like i'm not making a difference or growing our kids into godly warriors or spending enough quality time with them that they know how deeply they are loved.

my grandma ruth always said, "we are all from dysfunctional families and spend the rest of our lives trying the heal from them." she was a pretty wise lady. and the most spiritually connected person I have ever known. we may come from good families, even great families, but the fact is we are humans living in a sin-filled, broken world. we are going to make mistakes. we are going to hurt one another. we are going to be impatient and rude and quick to anger. but what gives me hope, even on my dreariest of days, is that all this is covered with jesus. he fills the gaps. he heals the wounds. he gently corrects and guides us along the way.

he covers over my inadequacies. he makes all things new. his mercies are new in the morning. and the thing that he has been reminding me of over and over is how real and tangible night and darkness, and morning and light are. what seems impossible in the dead of night seems doable with the light of morning.

and where i fail as a mom, he succeeds as a savior.