back then, we would all cram into our wood-sided station wagon, later to be replaced by a conversion van, none of us wearing seatbelts or sitting in carseats. (remember, these were the days when it wasn't the law, so no judging my parents please.) as we'd pull out of our driveway in pewaukee, wisconsin the absolute first thing out of all of our mouths were, "are we there yet?" followed by hysterical laughing. we'd trek the 21-odd hours of driving, stopping to pee about a million times and always stopping at this huge truck stop/overpass station in new york. it was the first sign that we were close. we'd always get breakfast at mcdonald's, use the restrooms and scour the new york souvenirs in the gift shop. i always wanted to buy something there but never did because i wanted to save my allowance money for a new maine t-shirt and, of course, homemade fudge from kennebunkport.
so as i smelled the fresh air and piled suitcases in cars i felt it, the peace that i was looking for. the rest i was needing. the feeling of no agenda.
half of us took off for the cabin while the other half booked it to Michael's to buy authentic italian sandwhiches and mom and pop pizza. i'd been waiting for its taste, anticipating how incredible all of the rich flavors would take me back. and, oh, did it deliver.
my car arrived after our stop to grab dinner and as we drove down the woodsy path i felt the urge to look at everything. take in every piece of this land. memorize it in order to store it away for a day when i needed a little reminder of how good life is.
and as we pulled up, this is what i saw...
kids already in bathing suits, splashing in the water, people lounging in american flag chairs. i stared for a minute, a bit in awe at the fact that these were my kids playing in my pond.
being grown up in this place is not much different than when i was a kid. it smelled the same, felt the same, looked the same. the only difference was, my parents. i reveled in time spent with them. fascinated by the fact that they are now watching their grandchildren play in swan pond instead of their own kids. finding a balance between watching my kids play and craving conversation and memory-fishing with them. it was so much sweeter than i imagined.
emi's been a little moody lately and quite honestly a little too clingy towards me. i know its hurt mike's feelings a little bit and i've wanted so desperately for her to cling to him again. and that's exactly what happened. she's felt some of mike and i's stress lately and just as i'd seen it so many times before, maine melted all worries and stress away in seconds. she clung to him and smiled her cheesy smile and loved on mike like he was the best thing since sliced bread.
our little ones knew this was a special place. a normally shy and reserved landon jumped into everything he could find. he was enthralled with all the critters he could finally put his hands on after weeks of talking about them. those poor minnows. they had more "love" than i think God ever intended for them.
i am not spontaneous. in fact, i am borderline obsessive compulsive. always needing to stick to routine and stay on schedule and finish my check list. my prayer, before this trip started, was that i would have no agenda. that i wouldn't stick to a plan. that i would let my kids see a side of me that they've never seen and probably longed to. god answered that prayer and then some.
as i walked into our little cabin to set down my bags, i cried. like all the tough things i've been holding onto weren't allowed to enter into that sacred place, so my body expelled of them before i had a chance to pick them up again. i'd never felt so much joy, than in that moment, when i let it all go away in tears and walked my baggage-free body back to watch my kids swim.
1 comment:
oh goody. this is so, so precious to read. i'm glad you had this time. i've never been to maine, but i already love it because of your words.
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