Waiting Patiently...

I am not a patient person.  Although becoming a mother thrust me into "patience training" whether I liked it or not.  I am happy to report that I am a much more patient person than I used to be but my natural default is still to take things into my own hands, handle it myself and take control of the situation.

But there are some things in life we can't control.

Around week 27 of my pregnancy, Mike and I went in for a scheduled appointment with our OB in the Dominican after a routine ultrasound just to make sure all was well.  Come to find out, it wasn't.  As Dr. Santillan began spouting off some explanations in Spanish I struggled to understand a phrase I wasn't familiar with.  I kept nervously looking at Mike hoping that he would cut her off and calm my panicked look with a simple explanation because surely I had misunderstood her when I thought she said the cord was wrapped around our baby's neck.  But as she finished her explanation my fears were confirmed and she moved right along with when we would schedule our next monthly appointment.

I left the doctor's office with nothing more than the instructions to keep track of our little guy's movements and if anything changed to get to the hospital right away.  I held it together until I was in the comfort of our van and then the floodgates opened.  Did my "perfect pregnancy" really just change that quickly?

Over the next couple of days, Mike and I had some decisions to make.  Many phone calls and texts were made to my sisters in the States, who are both in the medical field.  Trying to get the best information I could get my hands on.  I avoided the internet and researching this "condition" as I knew I would find way more tragic stories than good ones.  The last thing I needed to do was add gasoline to a fire that was already brewing.

The day after we received the news, a scripture that I had read so many times before spoke quietly to my heart:

"We who have this spiritual treasure are like common clay pots, in order to show that the supreme power belongs to God, not to us.  We are often troubled, but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair; there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend; and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

It would be easy, and maybe even expected or "normal" to doubt God's plan for a situation like this.  Too often, Christians have been brainwashed into thinking that because of our adoption into God's kingdom we are somehow exempt from heartache, pain and disappointment.  If we love God enough, obey His commands and live a good life, all will be well.  But I have learned over my lifetime, and especially over the last four years which have been exceptionally difficult, that we are not exempt.  In fact, we will more than likely experience extra doses of difficult circumstances.

As I meditated on the scripture I felt an overwhelming sense of God's peace rush over me.  Not the kind of peace that said, "My child, everything is alright.  Everything will turn out fine.  Your baby will be born, alive and healthy."  In fact, the comfort was just the opposite.  I felt at peace with whatever the outcome was.  I have walked the path of worry, disappointment and loss, with my Savior before -- experiencing His rejuvenating peace, love and comfort even in the midst of trials.  The peace I felt, and still feel, comes from knowing and trusting a God that has had my heart in His hands before and has my heart in His hands now.

So I wait patiently.  Waiting for God's story to unfold.  Waiting for a baby to be born.  Waiting for the ways that God will glorify Himself through this situation.  A lesson in patience that I would have never asked for myself, but will surely someday look back and be blown away by the ways God carried me through these times.